FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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