he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
