Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
