am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
