it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Still dying that you shit outside
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
