I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I want you more than these girls want KFC
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
