Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
