you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
