I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
