what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
