please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
