Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
