Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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