Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
