jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
