is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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