just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
