literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
