I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
