My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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