I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
