Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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