Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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