A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What a dumb baby whore.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
