Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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