Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
