i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
