Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
