So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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