I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's blow job season.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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