don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
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What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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