You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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