Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
