Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
