On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
