PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
