Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
