If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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