a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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