Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
