God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
