You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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