Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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