i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
