dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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