sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
