I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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