so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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