11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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