I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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