You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Never underestimate the power of titties
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
