Yo dont text me then not text me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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