she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize