he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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