kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I AM VODKA MAN
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
