ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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