hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
