i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
