You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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