a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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