make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
