May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
