Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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