Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
