shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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