Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
