every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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