Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
