I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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