How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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