smell my finger.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
