I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
