So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
