i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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