If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
